Once I make a piece, it is no longer mine. Perhaps it is not mine ever. Yes, I own it until it is sold- I am talking about a more energetic or metaphysical state. It is of me, but not mine. I am a steward of this gift, not a conduit for it. My abilities are an expression of my connection, my oneness with Creation and a lot of hard work. A moment that needs expression, that needs to live and bring joy, beauty, calm and introspection.
So how do I reconcile making something so intimate, so dear to me and then put it on a wall or on the internet for all to see? Again, in the end it is all paradox. If I did not have emotional distance, it would be a nightmare for me. Of course I want people to like my work and I am yet not driven by it.
If I derived my worth from what you thought, I’d have curled up in a ball a few years ago when a woman breezed by my skull drawings, saying:”Oh those are fun.” Her tone was such that I wouldn’t have been surprised if she told me to go outside and “play with my little friends”. Dismissive and unthinking. And how sad for her that she missed out on some beautiful work and a lively conversation about the human condition, ego and the temporal.
The beauty is that we all have likes and dislikes. Shockingly, not everybody likes peanut butter. While I may have an opinion about them not liking peanut butter I do not begrudge them that. Paintings are no different.
Making paintings and then inviting people to look at them, especially in a public setting, is a lot like dating. Painting in general is a lot like dating. The compact one makes is to honestly represent themselves, putting their best TRUE self forward. We have all been on a date where somebody misrepresents themselves, they say they love seafood but are allergic or are not married but their spouse disagrees. The result is often the same: we feel cheated, lied to (in varying degrees) and like our time has been wasted. More importantly we KNOW something is off, we know when we are being lied to. I strive not to lie in any domain, especially painting. Bad JuJu man. BADJuJu. Karma is real.
My job as a painter is to not lie to myself or to you. If I am making work solely because I think it will be what you want but that is not true to me then I am lying to both of us. And no one needs that. Ever.
So I f I have created a piece that best exemplifies, in that moment, my intentions and abilities I am at peace. Yes, I would be delighted if you like it and thrilled if you were to buy it. That is not the driving force of why I paint. If I go on a date with you and my sole aim is to be liked by you, then we are caught in some weird feedback loop. You do not see me, but some weird distortion of my perception of what I think you want. Ick.
Doing my best gives me freedom. It liberates me from the tyranny of hanging on your every whim. Some will like my work, some will not. My job is to not get wrapped around the axle as to which camp you are in. As with dating- if I show my best true self that vibration will resonate with another person- and not every single person. And that is appropriate.
In bringing the mindset of detachment to showing my work, it becomes a fun and invigorating experience. Making art is about clarifying and expressing not hand wringing and worry. I mean, if that does it for you- have at it. Why would you spend your time being counter to creation instead of being in the flow of it?